Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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