I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize