3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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