Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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