wat bout pragnant strippers??
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
