There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize