he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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