Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
