listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
