You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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