DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish you could order shots online.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
