I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize