I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
