i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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