3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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