All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
