my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize