They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
