who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
