so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
