You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
