o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
