In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
