butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
