I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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