I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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