you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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