The maid of honor just puked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
