I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
