Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
