there was a trapeze. enough said
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
