dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
