So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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