im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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