you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
