I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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