did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
