So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
