Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
