i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
