How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
