He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
