Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
