We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
