C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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