I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
