Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
