My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
