her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
