Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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