I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
