is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
