Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
