Will you blow on my dice?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
