How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
