operation harelip BJ is a go
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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