I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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