I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's blow job season.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
