I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
