Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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