Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize