Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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