Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize