so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
