you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
