I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
