I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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